Thurs 08/15/02 9:50am
Sending this email is probably a really bad idea.

This is one of the times of day I miss you most.  I've settled in to the day's work & it's getting on to take a break time. This is when I want to call you the most to just say "hi" and hear you smile at me like you used to.

You made the comment Sunday that I'm not handling this well.  Remember how you said after Carly's party that you had never promised me monogamy? Well, I never promised you I would deal well with heart-break.  THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HURT THIS MUCH!  

I find myself coming back often to that talk after Carly's party.  How you told me you had slept with Miss SXSW and were scared about how I would react.  You said you had to show me how much I meant to you before you were able to tell me about it.  How did things go from me meaning so much to you to this?  I don't understand.  I need to understand.  I just can't accept this without understanding it.

And the screwy thing is I'm still not mad at you yet.  Except for the side line issue that either a) you really are dealing with this just fine & it didn't bother you at all to dump me which ticks me off to be so dumpable, or b) it did bother you, but you are doing a much better job of hiding it or adapting than I am which is JUST NOT FAIR!

Fri 08/16/02 10:07am
Yep... I find a lot of unmitigated glee in the uncharitable thought that your life is less that stellar now-a-days. Yep, definately.  Unfortunately, I don't have evidence that this is so, but I can relish the sudgestion.